Roses are red, violets are blue. Valentine's is a trap for people like you!

The beginning of February means only one thing - Valentine's Day is just around the corner, which means more misery for singletons around the globe. But what about those of us that are in a relationship and are therefore forced by our 'better' halves to participate in this corporate money-making scheme?

Once a year we are forced to go out shopping or spend hours scrawling through online shopping sites, looking for that perfect gift to show our loved ones that we care. All the high street stores get excited and start putting those vomit-inducing red devil bears and heart pillows in their windows, making everywhere you turn look like a low budget chick-flick movie. We all know its incredibly stupid and yet we still traipse round for days on end trying to decide what is the perfect gift and settling on a cliche, cheesy cuddly toy - something really sad like a rabbit holding a heart, only to hand it over on the big day and be told to try harder next time. And what do you get? A pair of socks.

Its almost as though it has become acceptable to ignore your better half for 364 days a year and then on one day, you have to act all loved-up again, like the day you first met. And of course, you have to spend your money on tacky toys that are stored away in the cupboard under the stars the very next day and completely forgotten about. Its not like a birthday (which is odd; celebrating surviving on earth for another year?!) or Christmas where you can ask people what they want and order it on the Internet; having it delivered on time (sometimes) and without moving from your chair. Oh no, Valentine's Day is up to you to think of something appropriate and 'wow' your loved one. What would be appropriate would be to save your money and not fall for the retail world's get-rich quick scheme.

Does anybody actually know what we are celebrating? Surely someone didn't just invent a day for expressing your love - you can do that any day of the year and if you really do love someone, you don't have to wait for one specific day of the year to demonstrate it. According to my old friend the Internet the actual meaning behind Valentine's Day is simple:

"Experts state that Valentine's Day originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine."

So there you have it. We are celebrating the fact that somebody died. Seems an odd thing to rejoice over to me. Who is this St. Valentine and why is he never mentioned in the real historic events that took place since the world was invented? Was he there at the birth of Jesus Christ? No. Was he present during any of the world wars? No. Was he behind the fall of the Berlin Wall? No. He was just some Roman who left a message to a friend - it wasn't even a lover?! Thanks to him, singletons are made to feel extremely lonely once a year whilst couples are forced to waste money on junk for no real reason for one day in every 365.

Have I got it all wrong? Is this shambolic day actually worth celebrating? Forgive me, but my partner knows whether or not they are loved and I certainly have nothing to prove. Having said that, yes....the Mrs will be receiving a cliche, cheesy cuddly toy from me on February 14, which I will no doubt pay over the odds for - after all, it is Valentine's Day(!)